I wonder how many people I’ve looked at all my life and never seen.
—John Steinbeck (The Winter of Our Discontent)
It’s summer and it’s hot as hell (I’m in Arizona, so that statement is legitimately accurate). But while it’s too hot to run outside, the treadmill gets boring and I always wonder how the hell anyone could read a damn book/magazine while they’re running. So if you’re like me and need different entertainment… Here is a list to help you with your treadmill struggles.
- Race the people next to you.
- Copy literally every movement the person next to you does.
- Pretend that you are singing the song that is playing to a massive arena filled with people and they are all singing along and you are totally more famous than Ellie Goulding and you’re a star.
- Realize that you actually are a star (in your own special way).
- Make up elaborate back stories for every person you see in the gym.
- Combine the stories to create a really epic battle and/or romantic comedy.
- Listen to audio books.
- Remember you have homework and start profusely sweating from stress and not from the run.
- Force your friends to go to the gym with you so you can talk to them.
- Force your boyfriend to go to the gym with you so you can talk to them.
- Talk to yourself because you have no friends to workout with.
- Wonder if the reason you have no friends is because you talk to yourself in public places.
- Realize you don’t care
- Watch a TV show.
- Think about the vast and terrifying future.
- Think about all the cute clothes you are going to buy after you are shredded from this workout.
- Go back to conversations from the past where you didn’t have a good come back and make up a really good one.
- Be mad that you didn’t think of it sooner.
- Decide which guys in the room you would hook up with given the chance.
- Do the same for girls (look I’m straight but if I saw Olivia Wilde at the gym I’d still try to get it).
- Think about what you will name your future children.
- Or dogs.
- Come up with some really insightful conversation starters to have in the future.
- Forget them by the time you’re done running.
- Picture Chris Evans running directly in front of you.
- Picture Chris Evans running directly in front of you… Naked.
- Try to hide the fact that you are picturing Channing Tatum naked.
- Do the same for Ryan Gosling.
- And Channing Tatum.
- Think about the delicious (and healthy) meal you are going to eat after this amazing workout.
- Dance like no one is watching.
- Dance like people are watching and just don’t give a fuck.
- Pretend you are currently running an Olympic race and someone from Team Canada is right on your tail and if you don’t finish running that damn Canadian and her bacon are going to catch you.
- Just run and zone out and let those endorphins kick in because endorphins make you happy and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. They just don’t.